I’ve been judged for being the mother that I am.

I’ve been judged for the close relationships I have with my children.

And you know what I’ve changed because of being judged?

Absolutely nothing.

Every time I see this photo I am transported back in time:

He ... was 3 years old.

I ... was convinced I was failing as a mother and at the very least needed parenting classes. I told my friends this and they told me I was crazy.

I discovered that what I actually needed was to grow, and to adapt, and to learn to parent the way he needed me to parent.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t a good mother and it wasn’t that he was a challenge.

He was tapping on everything in the grocery store not because he was naughty but because he was drumming. Listening to the different sounds he could make on different items. Today he has taught himself to play several instruments and is pursuing sound design as part of his art degree.

He was crying at times when I’d get him dressed and ready to go, not because he was throwing a tantrum but because he didn’t like the way certain fabrics felt on his skin and he didn’t know how to explain that to me. I get it! Today he owns my old sewing machine and alters probably half of the clothes he buys.

He got upset when I gave him “five more minutes” before leaving or changing an activity because while I thought I was giving him transition time, he was trying to be present in the moment and I was actually creating anxiety for him. Today he meditates every day and practices mindfulness as part of his mental health. When panic shows up, we are able to FaceTime and I can coach him through a meditation and conversation until we get to the other side.

My struggles with parenting were simply a matter of understanding that what another person needs is not always what we think they need.

What works for one child or person doesn’t necessarily work for another.

How another person needs to be loved is not always the way we think or the way we ourselves need.

What’s “best” for someone else is not always what WE think is best for them.

The way a person sees the world and moves around in it is not always the same way we do.

If we are not open to someone’s “way,”

and if we stick only to what we know or how we’ve always been,

we are missing out on the blessing of who they are,

and we are missing out on our own evolution.

”If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got” is not true when it comes to loving people or raising children.

Loving has nothing to do with how we think a person should respond to us, it has everything to do with our willingness to learn who they are and how we can best love them and show up for them.

When I sat back and let him lead me, everything changed.

He was 3.

It took me those 3 years to figure that out about my own baby.

Thankfully he insisted on being who he was. I like to think his little soul trusted that I’d figure it out eventually.

What an honor it is today, any time I think about my children, to be able to say they are some of my greatest teachers,

truest inspirations,

and collectively

the needle on my compass.