Why Do I Want To Hold Your Hand When I'm Mad?

Last week while waiting for a friend, I witnessed a couple, clearly in a close relationship, and clearly in a moment of conflict.  I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, it was just very clear that they were both very upset.  I have always been interested in and fascinated by the dynamics between people, and I couldn't help but feel their heavy hearts.

 I guess maybe because I am a feeler and very touchy, I kept wanting one of them, either one, to reach for the other.  Just to make contact, hold hands or lean in.

And then, as if by osmosis, I watched the girl reach for the boy's hand ... and they held hands for a brief moment.

Then she asked, "are you still mad?"
He replied, "yes."

and then I watched, sadly, as the girl let go of his hand.

After a few minutes of this heaviness in the air, I heard him ask, "why did you let go?"
She replied, "well usually when someone is mad at someone, the last thing they want to do is hold that person's hand."
He said very quietly, "I disagree,"
and then they sat in silence for a while before getting up and walking away.  I watched them walk away together, but still not touching, and still in silence.

As they went on with their day, I went on to think about this ... day after day.

I thought about how I wanted them to touch each other.  I wondered why that mattered to me, and what it meant about my perspective or my feelings towards conflict in a relationship.

I thought about what the girl said when she let go of his hand.  I wondered what my own feelings and thoughts were about that very statement of hers.

I wondered if they were okay and I wished them well.
   I also decided that there are many reasons why I would choose to be a hand holder, even during times of conflict.

Here are my thoughts. What are yours?

♥

Why do I want to hold your hand when I’m mad?

Because holding your hand when I’m mad (or you’re mad) says:

I’m mad and I’m hurting but I still love you.

Things in this moment can be wrong, but together we are right.

I may be sad/angry/upset, but I feel safe.

When one of us is hurting or angry or misunderstood, we are there for each other. We don’t take our love away.

Even when I’m angry, you are still my favorite person.

I still need you. This moment will end but my love for you will not.

Even when one of us is feeling broken or less than, our relationship is not.

I still want to hold your hand when I’m mad because it reminds both of us that even when we feel small or alone, we are part of something bigger. Something whole. Something real. Something everlasting.

Because we are one.