When I Met You (aka my wedding vows)

We didn’t know what life was getting ready to throw at us but cancer has succeeded in bringing us closer than ever.

Happy Anniversary to us !!! This is what I wrote for our wedding, and this is perhaps the most emotional and most personal post I’ve shared here.

To my husband:

When I met you my face didn’t look as old

and wasn’t lined with the ups and downs of the stories I’d live through.

The corners of my mouth were not challenged by gravity

and neither were the little bit of boobs I have

When I met you my hair had no gray

and my skin was not a record of the passing of time and a collection of losses and stresses and grievances.

When I met you my heart was not tired.

My joints were not achy.

My stomach was flatter and my thighs were thinner.

My muscles weren’t sore and keeping me up at night.

My eyes were not lined with crows feet or shadowed with dark circles or looking for proof that peace is my portion.

But also when I met you I hadn’t suffered through certain seasons and emerged victorious and more in tuned with who I am and what my gifts are.

When I met you I hadn’t yet carried myself through some of my hardest challenges and certain losses and periods of grief.

When I met you I hadn’t spent nights awake counseling our children

or felt the daily joy of carrying our grandchildren on my hip.

When I met you I hadn’t experienced what a good cook you are

or how well you would take care of me,

making sure I never go hungry or work too long and forget to eat.

When I met you I hadn’t walked through the fires of scrutiny

or risen from the ashes of one fall only to fall again and rise again and use both hands to hold my head high no matter how heavy the weight.

I also hadn’t leaned on you

or rested in your arms.

When I met you I hadn’t laughed as much as I have now, causing laugh lines and losing my breath and crying so many tears of joy

that soak my face and taste of love.

When I met you I hadn’t learned about grace,

I didn’t know how easy forgiveness could be,

and I had no idea that my capacity and tenacity to love would repeatedly be tested and would continually grow.

When I met you I wasn’t aware of how far my heart space could expand to give room for others to simply exist and be loved.

I had never had anyone bring me coffee in bed

or encourage me to write my heart out and share it with the world.

When I met you I didn’t know the gift of growing old with someone.

I didn’t know some of my very best days were still ahead of me.

When I met you I didn’t know that I would love you more every day than when I closed my eyes the night before

Even if I was mad at you lol

When I met you

I had no idea

we would both eventually decide

to give marriage another try

without fear

pressure

or a nervous stomach.

So now when I pass by the mirror and see how I’ve aged,

I thank God for our journey and for all the love-filled moments I’ve been blessed with over these years with you and our family.

I thank God for our children

and that yours let me love them with my whole heart.

I thank God in advance for all the blessings ahead

and I thank God for giving me you:

the proof

that peace and love

truly

are my portion.